The last few months

It has been a very wild few months since I've posted much to do with my recent losses in January and February. I was taking clomid and conceived both months with no problem but we lost both angels and are unsure what caused it. January's loss was so early on that the doctor attributed it to being a Blighted Ovum and we really didn't think it would happen again but on 2/27 my Birthday of all days I started to bleed heavily after several days of what I thought was implantation spotting. I have taken several blood tests to ensure my HCG levels were at zero, Wednesaday's test was the most difficult because it was the final test and I was at <2. Seeing that number was harder then I could ever imagine because I was holding onto hope that I had caught my rainbow. I trust in God and know that my time is coming, I know that one day I will add to my family and we will continue to grow in love. I am meeting with an Endocronologist tomorrow so we can get my hormones together once and for all so that come April we will catch that rainbows, yes I said rainbows because I will be happy with one but it would be so great if we were blessed with two. Not that God has to if it is not in his will but with how ever many he chooses for my family we will gladly oblige. :)

My road to TTC

I haven't posted in a while and my friend asked me to read her blog so  I thought about all the events that has gone on in the last month and wanted to share. My clomid cycle #2 had many ups and downs, I took my meds and went in for my 21 day progesterone test showing that I had not ovulated. Well low and behold within 2 weeks I took a HPT thinking it was a OPK. I didn't know that they placed a free HPT in the box and just grabbed a stick, well I took my shower and once I got out I checked to see if I had the magic dark second line and I did... Well that second line was actually a BFP as I saw out of the corner of my eye this test said Pregnant Not Pregnant on the side instead of it saying EPT Ovulation Test. I was estactic and ran to tell DH. I emailed my doctor and waited the 48 hours for her to respond, she finally called and wanted me to come into the office as soon as possible this was Friday so I had to wait the long weekend before I could get the official positive from my doctor. The weekend passed as any other until Saturday night. I started spotting and would not allow myself to stress because it was just implantation bleeding, I didn't tell DH at that time. Sunday morning my heart broke I began my cycle full force with a lot of cramping and I knew that my excitement was to be short lived. I went through the day and night cramping and crying because the pregnancy that I so hoped for had come to an end as soon as it began, I went into the doctors office and my HCG was very low so the Doctor said that it was possibly a blighted ovum and not a real pregnancy. I still have been unable to grasp what happened but put my big girl painties on and started my clomid cycle 3. I am currently trying to keep my thoughts positive and my eye on the prize as we cross our fingers that we hit the "jackpot" this month.

Feeling a little Blue

I've been away for sometime and I am finally pulling myself out of a rough patch. It just seems so hard to see so many women bringing life into the world and my sweet angel didn't make it, I am believing God's word and I know that he is here and our family will soon add a healthy happy bundle of joy but the waiting sometimes hurts worst than the loss. I can feel when Jaylece is around and I know that she doesn't want me to dwell because that will surely slow the process of giving her a brother or sister to play hear on earth but I have days like this when I can't help but wonder and wish she was here. I trust God and I know that he will provide me with all my prayers and I'm not rushing him but I hope that soon we get a BFP. I took a short break from the ladies who support me so much but seeing the daily news of pregnancies and BFP's got to be a little too much. I can't lie and say I don't sneak peek at my email just to be sure that everyone is doing ok and I am jealous nor do I envy any of those wonderful ladies but during these periods especially since we have not been able to conceive makes it a little difficult to stay happy when I hurt so much inside. This feeling will not last forever and I will never doubt God I just needed sometime away to get my mind off of TTC, I still pray everyday for all my abbylooper family and that those who are pregnant cook until the baby is full term, I pray for those TTC so that they have the best XMAS gift and get BFP's and I pray for all the miracle babies that have been given life because of this wonderful procedure. I will get over this hump some days are just a little hard. Hope everyone has a great week and I love you all so much!

Day 3 CLomid

So I have been taking clomid since Monday and my goodness my Drive is through the roof LOL, my one concern is my cervical mucus is a little more than normal and my temp is higher than normal. We have already began our practice run ;) so maybe it will happen before day 10. I am just so excited and hope that the first cycle will result in a baby so that I can put my TAC to work. I know that God is good and we will deliver a full term health TAC miracle next year. :)

Whoo Hoo

Its funny how life is, I sat down and thought about my life and how so many new things started for me in the month of September. God spoke it to me several years ago that many things were fruitful for me and it would be during this timeframe I didn't know it would be 4 years but as they say he gives it to you when he is ready not necessarily when you ask for it. I'm so thankful right now that it really hasn't even set in.

Today's rants

Sometimes I wonder how big I would be if I had gotten this far with Jaylece. I'm not saying I don't trust God but I'm human and I have those moments that make me sad. I am ready to put this TAC to use so DH and I have to get the ball rolling LOL.

Finally TAC'd

I am so happy I have gone through the surgery and made my first appointment to see the OBGYN to discuss Clomid. I am so elated and can't wait the conception process. Yahoo!!!! TTC is so fun and can't wait until my husband is not so scared to touch me. LOL