Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Going Stir Crazy

On June 25, 2011 my angel Jaylece Brown went to heaven. My husband and I thought we'd done everything right so that in October we would bring our bundle of joy home... A little history about me I went through Leep surgery at 17 yrs old and had a beautiful baby girl the next year never would I have ever imagined that her birth would be so easy compared to the events of the future. A couple of years after her birth I met a wonderful man that would be my first husband God rest his soul. We begin our journey to having a family and were unsuccessful, I soon learned that I had PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This caused our fertility to be harder than most but after several attempts with clomid I became pregnant, unfortunately late one night one of my cysts ruptured causing me to lose the baby. A couple of years later  in 2005 we retried clomid and I became pregnant, everything seemed to be going so well on July 29, 2005 I attended a close friends bridal shower and upon arriving home had a strong urge to go to the bathroom (sorry tmi) when I went to the bathroom I felt something hanging out of me and when my husband looked it was part of my SAC. The nearest hospital was less than 2 miles away but they would not take me due to an overage on the L&D floor so we had to travel 10 miles to the closest hospital to our home. As the ambulance driver loaded me into the back my SAC ruptured and I knew that my baby was not going to make it. At the time I didn't understand but in 2007 my first husband was killed in a tragic car accident. At the time I had no idea what I was going to do I was so overwhelmed by grief that I could barely get out of bed, I stayed prayerful and asked the Lord for strength. A month later I lost my job and several weeks after that my mortgage rates changed I continued to believe in God's word and pray, as the days passed I didn't think that I was going to be able to handle it but God made a way and I was offered a better job, decided to leave my home, and finally began to get my head back together.

Now fast forward 2 years February 2009 I woke up one night and saw a commercial for match.com, I decided that I was ready to move on and subscribed. Once online I was shocked to see this gorgeous man stating that he was leaving match in his headline. I wondered if I had made the right decision so I reached out to him so that I could find out what was wrong with the service, at the time I was skeptical so I assumed that he was leaving due to the site being a rip off or the people on the site being psycho's. I didn't think he would respond because he showed as no longer a customer but shortly after I winked at him and sent my message he responded. We talked briefly via match and decided that we would exchange Gmail accounts and we IM'd each other the next day.Well long behold 2 years later we are happily married lets press reverse a little because in  July 2010 I woke up to excruciating pain my husband rushed me to the hospital and we learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy and one of my tubes would have to be removed. I really went through a period where I thought that I'd never be pregnant again but I prayed to God to give us a child.  In February 2011 I wasn't feeling so well and my once non-existent cycle that I finally was regular had not shown up I bought a pregnancy test and before I could place the cap on it and wait the 3 mins we got double pink lines. I was so happy I never would have imagined that we could become pregnant without clomid and I was thanking God because he'd answered my prayers of bringing home baby.

Shortly after finding out we went to the initial doctors appointment and they confirmed that I was pregnant and dated me to be 7 weeks, I disagreed with them because of my last cycle date which would have me at 10 weeks but they were the Doc's so I didn't argue. We explained my history and I was told immediately I would need a  TVC cerclage during week 13 my doctor expressed how my IC would be saved because of this magic stitch, I was happy that we would not have to experience what I had gone through 6 years prior, time went on and I had the worst case of morning sickness I could imagine we finally got to our surgery date and my doctor expressed that he would be doing the McDonald Cerclage again me being naive I thought that all would be OK.

My pregnancy progressed and my husband was at every doc's appointment, I was starting to feel better but was unable to sleep which was OK with me because I was so happy. We went to our appt and found out that we were having a girl, granted I was a little disappointed because I was team blue but still happy because my prayers were being answered. About a week later Jaylece began to move and I was taken back because with my older daughter I didn't feel her until about 6 months, I was tired, and yes I was sick but I was excited about this little baby. My daughter and husband seemed to forget about little ole me and all they were concerned with was the baby but again that was OK. During the 3rd week of June I began to notice a heavier discharge than normal we went to the Doc and per the CNM that was normal, I expressed my concern that when I went to the bathroom it seem to trickle out, and that I was going to the bathroom at least 10 times an hour. Per CNM baby was probably sitting on my bladder and it should get better. She stressed that I keep my appt with the Peri that following Monday. June 21, 2011 I went to the Peri appt and told him about my constant bathroom breaks and he told me that he would send me to the lab after my US to test for a bladder infection. Well during the US he found that I was funneling and told me that I needed to go home and I would be on Bed rest we skipped the lab because it seemed as if this was urgent. He also prescribed indomethicine because he noticed that I was contracting so after filling the prescription we rushed home for a week of modified bed rest. The next day I felt a lot of pressure and the discharge was again really heavy we went to the OBGYN and he did another US and stated that I was still contracting and usually the meds would be working but maybe I needed more time. If I would have known I would have gone to the hospital but that is neither here nor there, my husband and I returned home and I started to feel better. Two days later I again was hurting and I was feeling strange called the doc I was told to drink water and lay on my left side and I should feel better. I followed orders but by Friday afternoon I noticed that fluid was pouring out of me. My husband and I decided to go to the hospital but they instructed us to call the doc. We declined and let them know we were coming anyway. Upon arriving I was checked and the words that I feared I was in labor and my water had broken, all I could do was think back to my previous losses and wonder why Lord What have I done? I was given the option of inducing or letting nature do it's thing and I opted for induction at the time I think I was going a little mental and had checked out for a a while. My husband and I pleaded with the doc there had to be something that we could do but unfortunately there was nothing that could be done and we had to accept that our little girl was going to heaven. My daughter lost it when she arrived because she was so ready to be a big sister, my husband was losing it as well and there was nothing that I could do for either of them at the time. After what seemed like forever the doc came in and said it was time, at 3:29am Jaylece Laverne Brown was born. Since that time I have prayed to God to please help me understand, I have also researched and found the the TVC is not the most proficient method for someone who has had the issues that I have. I am now on my journey of getting a TAC done so that we could possibly with the Lords help bring home baby. I pray that God grants my family this blessing and that he allows this child that isn't conceived to be healthy and full-term.

Jn 14:14........ "If you ask anything in my name, I will do it."

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